Before Sunrise
by PiscesChikk
Summary: AU Sam Shaw has survived a betrayal by the agency he worked for, the devastating loss of his family. He's finally starting a new chapter of his life with Cindy and the promise of a new love. Will his work with Harold Finch, put it all in jeopardy?
1. Chapter 1

A/N This story is an A/U about my version of Agent Sam Shaw, who happens to be male. We first encountered Shaw in my **Remember Me** story, so if you haven't read it, you can find out a little bit about him in that fic. Cindy makes an appearance in that story as well and I chose to expand on how they met and the beauty of their love story. Reese and Carter got their happy ending at the end of RM and here we explore Sam and Cindy's tale.

Special thanks to Carolinagirl and Wolfmusic218 for being two extra pairs of eyes to look the fic over and a very special thanks and shout out to Cinch who was my special story consultant on this one. Thanks a million. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

** "What breaks in daybreak? Is it the night? Is it the sun, cracked in two by the horizon like an egg, spilling out light?" - Margaret Atwood**

Her hand in his was soft as he walked her up the steps to her front door. She was her usual quiet self as she stood beside him and slipped the key into the lock. Even in the morning light with no makeup and her hair pulled back into a messy bun she still looked beautiful. She turned to him after she opened the door slightly.

"Are you going to come in for a while?" She cast her hazel glance on him, and even after the night they'd just shared she still managed to blush. He loved that about her. She was the complete opposite of Elena. Elena was fiercely independent, headstrong and quite a handful sometimes. But Cindy however possessed a quiet gentleness about her and a bit of untainted innocence that he couldn't help being drawn to.

He was strongly considering her offer, but he knew he had to get to the library as soon as possible. Finch and another number were waiting.

He moved in closer to kiss her and slipped an arm around her waist. She felt soft against him and the thought of joining her for _just a few_ moments inside was getting more and more appealing.

Suddenly he could hear the sound of raindrops falling softly in the back of them and he turned round watching as what started out as a slow drizzle suddenly turned into a hard downpour.

"It was raining when I first saw you."

* * *

**NOT LONG AGO**

"Finch who is this guy?"

Shaw's voice was impatient and waiting for Harold to give him the identity of the mysterious tall blond man in Phillip Anderson's apartment was taking longer than he would have liked. It had been two days since Reese's boss had made him an offer to not only stay in New York but to also work for him. He'd made a similar offer to Reese not long after finding him when he'd been horribly burnt by the CIA. He would get a hefty salary, various credit cards and identities and in return he'd help Finch save _the numbers, _as he called them.

His new employer had also set certain guidelines that he needed Sam to adhere to. One of them was no killing unless absolutely necessary. Apparently he detested the use of guns and any sort of violence really. Reese's need to utilize those very things in the undertaking of saving their numbers had softened him, but slightly.

Shaw found that his hiding place in Anderson's closet was getting old. The blond was tinkering away at Anderson's computer for what seemed an eternity and he was anxious to leave.

"I swear if you don't tell me what he's doing here in two minutes, I'm going to put a bullet in him and not in his kneecaps."

"His name is Henry Markham. He's Anderson's personal assistant. But according to Anderson's morning schedule, Henry…is supposed to be over at Brooks and Madison delivering some important papers and not transferring files off of his boss' personal hard drive. He's definitely up to something."

"So we need to get rid of him." Shaw deduced, talking as quietly as he could from the closet.

"No. We need to observe him first. When he leaves, follow him and see just where he goes. And Mr. Shaw….may I remind you….."

"I know Finch….the kneecaps. How Reese ever agreed to this, I'll never know." He muttered.

The case had been wrapped up soon enough, with the assistance of the lovely Lana Fusco. He watched her push the handcuffed assistant in the back of a squad car and smiled at her, giving her a wink. She shook her head at him, calling him a newbie. She was a tough one, he thought, but he figured they'd worked well together.

He felt a certain satisfaction in handing the assistant over to the detective. The case reminded him of his work in the CIA. He felt the blood pumping through his veins again, loved the adrenaline, the chase. He missed this work, he missed being busy. Now he felt useful again. Felt like he had a purpose.

Aside from the times when he helped Reese out on his cases and went to _**Murray's**_ to eat, he spent most of his time in his small apartment with his thoughts. Kara was dead finally and he felt like a chapter of his life was closed. The nightmares about Elena and Emily were gone and he decided it was time to end his period of mourning. He needed to move on.

He left the library that night and decided to head over to _**Murray's**_ for dinner. The rain was pouring down by the time his food was ready. And as he was about to dig into his meal an angel appeared in the shape of a woman. That's the only thing he could call her. It seemed everything in the room changed the second she entered it. She smiled at the hostess as she closed her umbrella and she took her seat.

Her hair was dark, her skin smooth and the colour of caramel. And she moved with such grace and femininity. He found himself getting hard at his table. Which was crazy. She wasn't his type. He normally preferred the fair haired sort of beauty; blonde hair, blue eyes. But there was something about this woman.

Week after week he would watch her whenever she came in to eat. Sometimes he'd just watch her while his own food grew cold before him. Twice she'd caught him looking, twice their eyes met, but he never went over, never said anything. Even when he'd asked Reese to join him his old friend had noticed the way Sam stared at her.

One night he decided it was time. She'd just about finished her meal and he knew he had to stop her from leaving. So he decided to have dessert sent over. A red velvet cupcake topped with cream cheese icing, powdered sugar, milk chocolate shavings and a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't order this." He heard her telling her server.

"Actually, I did." He said walking over and standing next to her table. "Mind if I sit?" He asked with his eyes on the chair opposite her.

"You've been waiting for a while to ask me that, go ahead." She answered with a smile.

"You've noticed me."

"I've noticed _you_, noticing _me_. For a while now."

The cupcake sat in front of her untouched and she stared back at him.

"Damn and I thought I was being subtle." He turned his killer smile in her direction, brushing his brown locks away from his brow.

"You actually were a little. Don't beat yourself up." She shrugged.

"Not your taste?" He asked noticing that she still hadn't touched the cupcake.

"You tell me. What have you gathered since I piqued your interest?"

"Well….." He began licking his lips. "….you're not afraid to try different things, exotic foods, but you still appreciate the basics." He leaned forward then, as the corners of her mouth began to twitch and lowered his voice. "And….I've seen you indulge your sweet tooth once or twice."

"Good observations. And…..red velvet _is_ my favourite." She picked it up then and he was totally mesmerized as she bit into it. "_Very_ good."

She returned his smile and from that moment on, he knew he would like her.

They ended up staying until the place closed. They talked over drinks and he enjoyed her company. She was new in the city, just moved from Philadelphia. With her old job behind her and a new one starting in another week at Richmond Circle Hospital, she was looking to start a new life, so she said.

She'd been a pediatric nurse for a while, but felt it was time for a change and The Big Apple seemed like the place to go. He told her a little about himself, mostly things from his early days growing up, enlisting in the army, but he conveniently left out the information about his years in the CIA. He tried to keep the conversation light, fun, with none of the baggage that he carried around so closely.

They walked together a few blocks away from the restaurant and she looked around for a cab. Spotting one just down the street, she put her arm up to hail it, but he held onto her hand. She seemed a little taken aback by the action though, and took a short step back.

"I'm sorry." He began. "I just….I think that we should see each other again. I would _love_ to see you again." He finished and he saw the smile creep back onto her face once more.

"Okay." She said nodding. They exchanged numbers and he smiled as she got into the back seat of a cab.

His upbeat mood was interrupted by the sound of his cell phone and Finch's voice in his ear.

"Mr. Shaw, we've got a new number."

It was time to go to work. Time to get back to the library.

* * *

**TWO DAYS LATER**

Cindy poked her head out from under the softness of her blanket to blindly grope for her cell phone as it rang. She glanced at the time and realized it was just after 5:30am. Still sleepy and not fully alert, she answered it, wondering just who in the world was calling her at this hour of the morning.

"Hello?" She croaked.

"I'm sorry that I woke you, but I've been up all night, I've got coffee and I know the perfect spot to watch the sun come up."

"Sam?" She asked sitting up in bed.

"The one and only." She'd thought about him since the other night at the restaurant, and though she'd wanted to sleep in after unpacking more of her stuff the day prior, his voice was a welcome one. She couldn't help but smile.

"Where are you?"

"McCallum Park, waiting for you. Come on, get over here."

* * *

Shaw waited at the entrance of the park till he saw her appear. Dressed casually in cargo pants and a t-shirt, she came walking towards him. He'd spent the last two days trailing and surveilling a young intern at the very hospital Cindy was set to start working at. The husband of a former patient had blamed her for his wife's death and planned to kill her. He was tired, he needed some rest, but more than anything he wanted to see her.

He handed her the cup of coffee and they walked together to a bench to the eastern end of the park and sat down.

"You come here often?" She asked.

"Once or twice."

"The view from here is pretty beautiful." She said watching the sliver of golden light as it started to slash the sky. His gaze however was fixed on her.

"Yes it is."

"You're not even looking at the sunrise and you asked me here to watch it with you." She protested taking a sip of her coffee. "This is good. Where'd you get this?"

"It's a secret."

"Come on."

"No, next thing you know you'll be hanging out all my spots. You already monopolized _**Murray's**_. Where else am I gonna bump into you?"

"Well that's entirely up to you." She said with a raised eyebrow. "But you can keep your coffee a secret. I've got some of my own."

"Like what?"

"Like this isn't really the best spot to watch the sun come up in New York."

"Oh really? What could be better than this?"

"I won't tell you."

"You won't?"

"No, cause then, _you'll_ be the one hanging out at _my_ spot. And I'll never get rid of you."

"I don't think I want you to do that." He couldn't help himself then. He was staring at her mouth and she'd licked her lips just as she'd taken another drink of her coffee. She stared back at him, her eyes full, her expression open, and he wanted to kiss her.

He leaned forward to press his lips against hers softly, ever so softly and she kissed him back.

"So where is this spot?" He asked as she reached up to run her finger along the side of his face.

"I'm not giving all my secrets away." She said shaking her head. "Not just yet."

* * *

It had been over three weeks, hell maybe even a month that Kara had been taken care of and it seemed her presence was still looming over them as if she was still alive. Reese hadn't said much. He'd growled more than talked to Sam over dinner after he'd agreed to meet him and his hand was never far from his glass. This was becoming a pattern, Sam thought. A potentially dangerous one.

He watched his friend's retreating back and shook his head as Reese walked out the door. He was torn up inside. After all the trouble they'd gone through to get rid of Kara and get Joss back, she'd left him. She'd gone back to Virginia, taken his daughter with her, and now John was going through hell.

There wasn't much he could say to console him. He didn't think anything could right now, not the job, not the Scotch Reese had started drinking like water. Nothing except being with his family again would ease his pain.

He pushed his plate away. His appetite was gone and he wanted to leave as soon as possible. He took care of his tab and decided to head home. It'd been a long day and he wanted to sleep.

The street outside was surprisingly quiet for a New York evening, and he jumped into a cab, settling into the back seat. He wondered just how long John could go on this way. He was a ticking time bomb at the moment and Sam wondered just what would be the final straw that would cause his fuse to ignite and set him off.

The cab ride wasn't long and he listened as West Indian music blared from the speakers and he absently watched the numbers on the meter increase the closer he got to home. Finally his building came into sight and he smelled the familiar aroma of flour, cinnamon, butter and other spices. He lived a few blocks from a little bakery and the owners must be getting ready for the next day.

He climbed the stairs to his building and let himself inside his apartment. He stripped his clothes off and headed into the shower, letting the grime of the day go down the drain. He toweled himself dry, slipped on some boxer briefs and lay down in bed.

He turned the TV on, flipping through the channels when his cell phone rang. He expected it to be Finch calling with another number but to his surprise it was Cindy.

"Watch a movie with me." She said. Her voice sounded alive with anticipation of whatever it was she wanted to see.

"Everything's already started by now, which theatre did you want to go to?"

"No, turn to channel 15. _The Count of Monte Cristo_ is about to start. I want you to watch it with me."

Her request was simple, and the smile in her voice convinced him to take the trip back to 1815 France and the tale of _Edmond Dantes_. It was her favourite movie she told him and she wanted to share it with him. He'd never seen it before and he enjoyed it, rather he enjoyed listening to her in his ear, warning him about important parts that were coming up, feeling sad when _Edmond_ was imprisoned and separated from _Mercedes_, and cheering for him when _Fernand_ was finally killed.

"How many times have you seen it?" He asked.

"At least about a million." She responded. "Did you like it?"

"I did. I'm glad you called."

"Me too."

He realized that he'd just spent almost two hours on the phone, not really talking, not saying anything much, but just being there, listening to her while they watched a movie together. He realized additionally that he really liked her.

"Why'd you come to New York? You don't have any family here. I know you said you came for work, but why move to a city where you know absolutely no one?"

The air between them changed suddenly. He felt it and he could picture her in bed wondering just what to say. It must have been bad, whatever it was. He remembered when he'd held her hand the night they met when she'd tried to hail a cab. He saw something in the back of her eyes as she stepped back. He _needed_ to know.

"I loved my job back in Philadelphia. I grew up there with my dad and my aunt. I had a lot of friends, and I didn't really want to leave."

"So why did you?" He coaxed as she paused.

"I was in an abusive relationship for a while. Not physically abusive, not at the beginning at least, but…..he was controlling, he….tried to keep me isolated from my friends, my family, even my job after a while. He started out being such a sweet guy. He treated me well, introduced me to his friends, but after a while he just…."

He immediately felt a connection to her in that moment as she started to open up to him. Her voice was soft, but it was strong and steady as she went on.

"….he started talking about my clothes, my appearance. He chose simple things to criticize and make me feel ashamed and after a while, nothing was good enough for him. I pretty much started doubting everything about myself, who I was, my life. He made me not want to…" She let out a long heavy sigh and a tiny laugh and he stayed silent allowing her to finish. "I got help, eventually. It wasn't easy, but I ended it. That's when he finally hit me. Any doubt that I was making the right choice pretty much went out the window when he did that. He kept coming around my apartment, my job, until I finally decided I'd had enough and needed to physically remove myself out of his reach."

"I'm sorry." He said. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. And I wish that I was there with you right now."

She let out a teary laugh at that. "Thank you. I wish that you were here too."

"Well you know whatever he said about you was wrong. You're a strong woman. The fact that you made a decision to walk away speaks volumes. And it means that you're so resilient, he couldn't break you. And he's never going to hurt you again. You know that."

"Sam…."

"Cindy…he won't _ever_ hurt you again." He repeated.

It was important for him to accept his words, he didn't know why, but he needed her to. A silence hung between them for a while. He could hear the sound of her sheets as she moved against them, the sound of her breathing on the other end of the phone.

"Okay."

They spent hours on the phone talking afterwards and she opened up a little bit more to him about herself, about Philadelphia, her mother and her old job. She started to relax a little more and he felt wrapped up in her voice her sense of humor and her good nature.

The next few days were busy, for the both of them. He had work and she was busy having the last of her things shipped, unpacking and getting ready for her new job. He called her when he could, and when he finally had a night off, he invited her to _**Stacy's**_ a nice jazz club and lounge. Reese had also asked to see him and he told him to meet him at the club too. He stood out front waiting for her and when she stepped out of the taxi he blown away at the sight of her.

The sleeveless dark dress she wore clung to her in all the right places and he took in the sight of her long legs.

"Sam."

She said his name by way of greeting and the smile on her face reached her eyes. She walked toward him and he put his arms around her drawing her against him. Her arms went around his shoulders and they stood face to face finally after a few days of phone calls. He'd missed her.

He didn't answer, he didn't speak. He simply kissed her, hard, tasting her mouth, drawing her bottom lip between his own and he enjoyed the feel of her against him. She felt good. She felt perfect on his mouth and he wanted her.

"Hello." He said as their lips parted.

"Hi."

* * *

The evening had gone well.

Reese said that he was leaving. He was going to Norfolk to be with Joss and his daughter. There was a look of hope in his eyes that he hadn't seen since before Joss had left. He wished his friend well and he hoped he would truly find happiness with the woman he loved.

As soon as John had left, the rain came down almost as if it was washing away the last vestiges of the old and was showering them with hope for the new. He and Cindy walked together in Times Square and after sharing candied apples and ice cream they ended up on the sidewalk in each others' arms. Both of them were ignorant of passersby, simply caught up in each other and in the moment.

It was time.

But he didn't want to scare her. Knowing her past, her ex and her quest for a new life, he knew he had to take it slow. He ended up inviting her back to his place and kicked himself mentally for doing it. But she surprised him by taking him up on his offer and he drowned himself in her again, tasting of her sweetness, lost in her once more.

She'd agreed. It was all he could think of later on after he'd finally gotten home.

She'd agreed.

* * *

She was supposed to be gone hours ago, Cindy thought looking over one of her patient's charts. She sat down at the nurse's station and put the cup of coffee to her mouth taking a sip. She glanced over at her watch and finally noticed what time it was.

"Damn." She muttered.

"What's the matter?" Asked Lynda, her PCT for the evening.

"Just saw the time." She answered.

"Isn't today your eight hour day?"

"Yes. It is."

Since starting at Richmond Circle, Cindy had picked up the 11am to 11pm shift and a forty eight hour week schedule. She worked twelve hours for three days, eight hours the next and then she had the rest of the week off. Today was her eight hour day as Lynda had mentioned but she'd ended up staying behind putting in some overtime.

She should have been gone by 7pm to go home and get ready for her date with Sam. It was now closer to 10pm and she realized she hadn't called him to let him know. It would her first time at his place and he was making dinner.

"Excuse me Lynda." She said heading to the locker room area and to her personal belongings. She retrieved her cell phone and saw that she'd had a few missed calls.

"Sam…" She said aloud and dialed his number.

"Dee….what happened? Is everything alright?"

She loved the concern she heard in his voice and closed the door behind her leaning on it.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I'm still at work."

"Thank goodness. I was beginning to get a bit worried."

"That's so sweet."

"Well I'm known to be sweet from time to time. What time are you done?"

"In another hour. I'm sorry tonight's a bust."

"Its not. Just come over when you're done. I'll be waiting for you."

* * *

Sam would be a liar if he didn't admit he was nervous. When Cindy called to say she was finally leaving work and she'd be there soon, it seemed as if he walked around his entire apartment looking for imaginary things that were out of place. He wanted to make sure that everything was perfect for when she got here.

He was just getting used to his new apartment. Two weeks after Reese had left, Finch pressed a key into his palm along with an address to a loft in Manhattan, not far from where John had lived. He walked around the place not only in awe of its location, size and apparent luxury, but also of the man he worked for who'd proven once again that there was truly no end to his benevolence or cash flow.

It hadn't taken long for him to have his things packed up and sent over. It was already furnished; all he'd had to do was move his clothes in. After almost two weeks he finally started to feel a little comfortable calling it his own. Soon Cindy would be here and he nervously hoped she'd be impressed with it.

When he heard the doorbell ring and he opened the door for her, she looked a little tired, but the twinkle in her eye along with the smile that always accompanied it was still there. He gave her a hug and a short kiss to the side of her mouth and pulled her inside.

She had her hair in a ponytail again, pulled back from her face, and wore simple jeans and a t-shirt. She smelled of soap and lotion and her hair was slightly damp as he held her close. He walked her around his apartment, feeling a little like a show off as he took her room to room and she stayed close to his side.

They ended up back in the living room and she headed straight for the couch. She ate a little of the meal he'd prepared, complimented him on his cooking, and enjoyed the wine and conversation they shared.

Hours later, they lay curled up together on the sofa in the dark. The room was illuminated by the moon shining through the skylight that came down and hovered over them.

He traced her collarbone, running his fingers along it, feeling her skin underneath his fingers.

"What's your story Sam?" She asked quietly as he looked down at her.

"What's my story?"

"Yeah. You know my truth, you know my secrets. What about yours? Why are you in New York? What are you running away from?"

He sat up on the sofa knowing he'd have to tell her sooner or later. But he hadn't figured out how just yet.

"Elena….."

"Who's Elena? Your wife? Are you married? Please don't tell me that you're married."

She sat up next to him and he could hear the panic in her voice.

"No. I'm not married."

He reached out and put his hand in the back of her neck softly touching her there.

"Elena and I lived together while I….worked in France, in a city called Rouen. We had a daughter, Emily and for a while we were happy."

"And what happened?"

"I lost them. Almost two years ago. They were killed, one night…when someone broke into our home."

"Oh my God." She whispered. "How old was your daughter?"

* * *

_**He could hear giggling as he walked down the hallway. High pitched giggling and it was getting louder and louder.**_

_**When he got to Emily's room, she and Elena were sitting in her play chairs, the table in between them and the tea set was prominently arranged on top of it.**_

"_**I'm a princess papa." She said when she saw him. "And we're having tea."**_

"_**Yes you are, Princess Emily." He returned her wide smile and looked sympathetically at Elena. She was wedged rather awkwardly into the tiny pink chair, her knees drawn close to her chest and she clutched a tiny pink teacup in her hand.**_

"_**Welcome home, Sammy." She said picking up a scone.**_

_**Yes, he was finally home.**_

* * *

Cindy squeezed Sam's hand, hearing the pain in his voice as he spoke.

"How old was she?" She repeated.

"She was two."

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He said it'd been almost two years ago, but clearly he still wasn't completely over it.

"I didn't get there in time to save them. The person was still in the house when I arrived, they shot me too and I wondered for a long time afterwards why I didn't die with them. Why was my life spared when theirs weren't?"

She understood him so much at that moment. Wanting to die because of hurt, wanting to be gone because you felt useless. So he'd come here to run, just like she had, from everything that had been chasing him. They were both broken, both missing something. But perhaps, she thought, they could find healing in each other.

He turned to her on the couch again and she touched his cheek wanting to comfort him. She moved closer to him touching her lips lightly to his own.

"It wasn't your fault."

* * *

"It wasn't your fault." She whispered against his lips. So many times he told himself that. He didn't realize until now how much he needed to hear someone else say it.

He kissed her back, putting his arms around her, wanting to fold himself into her. He pulled her onto his lap feeling her thighs as they pressed against his and he wanted her more than he'd wanted anyone in a long time.

He put his hand under her shirt, feeling her skin underneath. It was soft to his touch and she moaned into his mouth as his tongue explored it. Her hands were on his shoulders, then her fingers were in his hair, moving over his scalp and she started to press herself into him.

He moved off of the couch carrying her in his arms and slowly made his way to the bedroom and put her down at the foot of his bed. He ran his hands over her head and let her curls loose, releasing them from the confines of her hair clip and his fingers played through the strands.

"Sam…"

She called his name as his hands removed her t-shirt, pulling it over her head and he felt her desperately grasp at him.

"Sam…." She said. And then he heard it and stilled his hands at the zipper of her jeans. She was scared.

He cupped her face in his hands.

"I just…..I…."

"I know you're scared. I know, I know, I know." He whispered softly. "But trust me. Please." Her hands were fisted in his shirt at the back, her head was hung down. "Look at me." He said. "Trust me."

* * *

"Trust me." He said.

She knew that he was different, different from anyone she'd ever been with before. She'd sensed it from the moment they'd met. Now she was her most vulnerable but she wanted him so much, so she decided to block out the negative thoughts that were swirling around in her head right now telling her she wasn't good enough.

She let out a soft whimper and nodded kissing him tentatively. He unzipped her pants and she stepped out of them and she stood before him in her underwear.

"I want you so much." He said as he unhooked her bra and her full breasts spilled into his hands. He lowered her onto the bed taking one of them into his mouth and she arched her back toward him, holding onto his back. He moved his hands over her, touching her between her thighs through the soft fabric of her panties. She bucked against his hand, mewling against his mouth and he slid his tongue over hers.

He took his time on her, she thought. He touched every curve of her body, moving his hands over her with great care. His touch was so light on her, so soft, so gentle; she felt that he thought she would dissolve under his fingers.

So she pushed back.

She pulled at his shirt, hating that he was still fully clothed. She pulled it over his head, running her hands over his chest. She moved out from under him, pressing him down, getting on top of him, straddling his thighs and she heard him chuckle against her mouth.

"Don't laugh at me." She said with her hands at his zipper.

"I would never." He whispered back hoarsely and helped her along.

* * *

They were both naked now and he turned over putting her underneath him again, drawing her knees upwards, resting between them. He was drunk with desire and he looked down at her seeing her features through the sliver of light that sliced the darkness around them.

"You're beautiful." He whispered.

* * *

****MaCallum Park is a fictional park that I created and use in all my POI stories


	2. Chapter 2

**Warm Rays**

Her breath caught as he entered her and he grunted.

As he slowly drew her knees higher, pushing himself in deeper, he felt her quiet surrender. He felt her start to take him into her body.

"Sam…"

His name on her lips was his prompt, his order, and he could nothing except obey it. They moved together, slowly, then urgently, gently, then roughly. Theirs was a push and pull that seemed to take everything out of them, binding them, sewing them together.

He felt heady and drunk.

With her.

With the sounds she made, the way she touched him, matched his fire. Her hesitancy at the beginning had turned into something more powerful than he guessed she had imagined. They were soaring together, finding release, finding comfort, and a way to scrape away the remnants of the past.

She lay beside him after, fingers twined in his, giggling at his words and he was glad she felt safe lying next to him.

"It's a good thing I'm off tomorrow." She said, with her voice tinged with sleep. "I don't think I could get out of bed and head to work after tonight."

He smiled at her comment and turned to cup her breast, moving over her to suck on it. He enjoyed the way she squirmed underneath him.

"You don't think…" He spoke low in his throat as her fingers ran through the strands that spilled over his brow. "….that tonight is by any means over do you?"

He kissed her on her belly, then lower, positioning himself between her thighs.

"Sam…." His name was a breathy moan on her lips.

His kiss was soft on the inside of her thigh.

"_Dee_…"

* * *

Cindy woke up in a big bed, an even bigger room and she stretched out beneath the sheet that she was wrapped in. Her mass of curly hair was a tousled mess and covered her face as she lay comfortably on the pillows. She smoothed the locks from her face, turning slowly and realized she was alone in the room. She could hear faint noises in the distance, then footsteps coming in her direction and she remembered the previous night.

She smiled.

It was still early, the sun had just come up and she smelled freshly made coffee in her nose. Soon Sam appeared, his chest bare with a coffee cup in his hand. In the light of day, she took in the sight of the few scars that marred his chest, his torso, his left arm. He noticed the frown on her face and realized what she was looking at as he sat beside her.

"No need for all that. Most of them are pretty old." He bent down kissing her lips. "Good morning."

She felt shy all over again, even though they'd spent the majority of the night exploring one another, she still felt a bit shy.

"Good morning." She said sitting up, taking the cup from him and drinking from it.

He gently smoothed her hair down, ran his hand along her arm. "Sleep well?"

She nodded at him. "Very. You have a really comfortable bed."

She took another sip of the coffee and saw him look at her with hooded gray eyes. "What are you thinking about?" She teased as he took the cup out of her hand. His mouth was already on her neck by the time she got to the last word of her question.

He yanked at the sheet, pulling it off her body and his hands began to travel. He rose from the bed, discarding his underwear and hovered atop her. She opened up to him, pulling him closer to her, nipped at his lips.

"What do you think I'm thinking about?"

* * *

"It was raining when I first saw you."

She nodded at him.

"I remember that night. I'd just moved here about a week I think, still hadn't gotten everything moved in. I just wanted something to eat."

"That was my lucky night." He said looking at her.

"And every night since." She moved to put her arms around his neck, raising her lips for his kiss. His cell phone rang, disrupting the mood and he grimaced as reality started to set in. He tapped his ear wig and heard Finch's voice in his ear.

"I'll be right there, Finch."

"Work?"

"Work. But I'll see you soon." He kissed her hard before saying goodbye, his mood now already changed, focused.

He had work to do.

* * *

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

"Lana….he's at your 2, do you see him?"

"Yeah, I got him." She said, catching the approaching gunman in the shoulder. There was the sound of running footsteps to his right and Shaw turned quickly, catching Lewis' accomplice in the kneecaps.

He groaned falling hard to the ground.

"Nice shot." Lana said, taking out her handcuffs and putting them on Lewis. His accomplice was on his back, grasping at his legs, his moans coming louder. Shaw stood over him, kicking his gun away and stared down into his eyes.

"Next time, choose a different agent?" He smiled and turned just as a shadowy figure slowly moved out of the alley and fired in their direction. Her gunshot caught Shaw in the right shoulder, a through and through, that caught him off guard. He stumbled backward but caught his footing again quickly and he fired back. Two rounds at her torso and she went down.

"Shaw, you alright?" Fusco came running toward him and he put a hand up to his shoulder. Blood was trailing down his arm under his jacket.

"I'll be alright." He said grimacing slightly at the pain. He hoped it was nothing more than a flesh wound and he stuck his finger through the matching holes at the top of his jacket.

"Are you sure?" She asked worriedly, and swore at the sound of approaching sirens. She walked closer to him. "You gotta get outta here before backup arrives, and before you bleed to death."

"Mr. Shaw, is everything okay?" Finch's voice came through his ear wig.

"Need some patching up, Harold. Haven't had a chance to look at it yet, but there's a 98% chance that I'll survive."

"Your snark is still intact so I'll take your word for it. Get over to the library then."

"A little later than sooner Finch." He said as he felt the blood start to drain quickly down his arm. "I may have to stop elsewhere first." He hung up and was already dialing a number.

He knew questions would follow, he knew he'd have to come up with some valid answers, but right now she was the only person besides Harold he could trust.

"Dee….I need your help."

* * *

They were in his apartment a little over two hours later. After protests and an argument about him needing to see a doctor, he'd convinced her to tend to the wound herself after she smuggled him into the hospital through an entrance reserved normally for the catering staff.

The questions he'd expected were there; why can't we call the police? How did this happen? Why were they shooting at him? Why didn't he want her to call a doctor?

He answered what he could while they were there, which earned him a stony silence for the rest of the time she tended to him. He knew she felt hurt, he knew she hated that he lied to her. Although the care she took with him was precise and meticulous, her gentleness with him was not absent as she sewed the stitches into his arm. Afterwards she gave him something against infection and for pain.

As he took his jacket off and stiffly unbuttoned his shirt, removing it as well, he looked at her as she stood opposite him in his living room with her arms folded in front of her.

"Dee…"

"You lied to me. All this time."

She started to tear up and he threw the clothing across the sofa, walking toward her but her anger was there too. She put both her hands up stopping him.

"No. You lied to me and I deserve the truth."

She was right, but telling her about his colourful past might end up pushing her away and he didn't want that.

"What do you want me to say Dee? That I'm not the Asset Manager I told you I was? Well you're right. I'm far from it."

She nodded and he could see the hurt behind her eyes as she looked at him. She was quiet and he knew she was registering the fact that he'd been keeping the truth from her for months about who he really was. He could see the wheels turning in her head and he needed to stop them. They sat together on the couch and he answered her the best way he could.

Who he was, was complicated, he said. What he did, and had done in his past was even more so. She blanched at some of the details of his life in the CIA, though he'd left out the truly gory bits. He told her about New York, meeting Harold and his job offer. He told her it made him feel like he was finally doing some good with his life again. She hadn't said a word through it all, hadn't even looked at him and he was worried about what she thought of him now.

"Do you understand now, why I didn't tell you before?"

He wanted to pull her close, hold her, but he knew he couldn't. Not yet. She was still upset, she was still hurting.

"I understand why you _think_ you couldn't. But you asked me to trust you Sam, remember? And I did. But you didn't trust _me_. You know about the last relationship that I had, you know….."

"Dee…..I'm so sorry."

"I won't go through that again, Sam. I won't."

Her tone was so final. Her voice so firm and as he looked at her, he was scared. Would she leave him? Could she walk away? He couldn't let her.

* * *

What he'd told her had been horrible. His work, the things he'd done, unimaginable things that she wondered if she could wrap her head around. She started to doubt if he really cared about her. Had he lied about that too?

He'd been nothing but good to her otherwise. He'd been very different from her ex. He'd wooed her in the beginning, swept her off her feet and then the abuse had started and she'd slowly started to deteriorate. Bit by bit she'd started to lose herself, because she'd allowed him to tell her who she was.

But Sam was the opposite. She had to admit that after a month with him, she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. She was waiting for something to go wrong. They finally consummated their relationship and things had only gotten better from that point on. She started to relax. She started to be comfortable with him. She started to feel like she was falling in love with him.

Hearing his voice on the phone saying that he needed her tonight had alarmed her, but she became even more so when he came to the hospital with a gunshot wound that he told her they had to conceal. Still she worried about him with the surgical needle between her trembling fingers, even though she could get in a heap of trouble for doing what she did.

He needed her. And she needed him to be safe.

But here they were, the other shoe had dropped finally and she wondered where they would go from here.

"How can I make it up to you, Dee?" His eyes were pleading, but unlike her ex who'd lied when he said it to her in the past, she could tell that Sam was truly sorry. Still she wouldn't tolerate that sort of treatment anymore or anything close to it.

"Right now I don't know. I know that I need to be able to trust you. And I don't think I can right now."

"You _can_ trust me."

"Sam this is a big thing. This is a whole chunk of your life that you hid from me. It can't be swept under the rug so easily. I guess you thought it would never affect me, but….tonight it did. I'm sorry. I mean how do I know that you didn't know about me before we conveniently met? How do I know that you didn't pick the new insecure nurse at Richmond Circle and kept me around just in case you got hurt and needed patching up? How do I know that?"

She heard her ex's voice in her head again, telling her she wasn't pretty, he was the only one who'd want her, telling her she'd always need someone to make the big decisions for her because she wasn't smart enough. She wasn't a good enough nurse and that's why she hadn't gotten the promotion yet. She started to cry and she needed to leave before she fully embarrassed herself in front of Sam. She headed for the door.

"Cindy, no. You know that isn't true."

"Do I?"

"Yes you do. You know I'm not him. I messed up. I did…..in a very big way, but you _know_ that I'm not him. Please….please stay." His hand on hers was tempting, but she couldn't let herself look into his eyes.

She couldn't.

* * *

She'd ignored his calls for the next week. No matter how many messages he'd left, she didn't respond to any of them. It seemed she'd picked up extra shifts at work, she was hardly ever at home, and when she was there she spent most of it watching TV or falling asleep in front of it.

He missed her.

He missed her so much and he couldn't stop thinking about her. He missed the simple things about her. The way she twisted her coffee cup in her hands, how she'd sleep with her fist under her chin. He missed the way they'd lay in bed talking to each other for hours while she idly traced a scar on his belly without even knowing it.

He missed her touch, he missed her smell, he missed her and he needed her. And then it hit him.

He was in love with her.

He hadn't admitted to himself until now, but he realized it was true.

He knew he had to see her, somehow, away from the hospital, somewhere they could really talk. Where he could tell her how he felt and where she could really listen and he needed to find the right opportunity.

A few days later it finally came, her shift at work was done, she was off early today and he caught her leaving the hospital. She wasn't thrilled to see him and he didn't want it to seem like he was stalking her like her ex had.

"Sam what are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd give you a ride home."

"I'll get a cab." She said walking off, but he fell in step beside her.

"Why get a cab when you can travel in a Lincoln Town car?" He asked, trying his best to make her smile.

"Did you steal it?" She asked sarcastically, not slowing her pace.

"One of the perks of my job. I get to borrow the boss' car every now and then." She turned to look at him, finally stopping.

"Please I just want to talk."

"It's been a rough day and…."

"I know. You're tired. So let me take you home, Dee."

On the drive to her building she was quiet. She was slouched into the seat and rested her head against the back of it. She looked beat, she looked drained and she looked like she needed taking care of. But her head was turned away from him, and she stared out the window until he finally found a parking spot not far from her building's entrance.

"Thank you for the ride." She said as she turned to him.

"Before you go…."

Her hand stopped just as she was about to open the door.

"…I wanted you to know that I think you're an amazing woman. I think you're smart, you're talented, you're one of the most intelligent women I've ever met. You're brave. You're so brave. You're strong and you're capable of so much that you don't even know."

"Sam…"

"I need to finish. I didn't use you. I didn't know you before we met, and I'm sorry I lied to you about who I was and what I did. But you need to know that I didn't use you. I was in your life because that's where I wanted to be. I'm sorry I put you in such a compromising position and I will never do that again. I promise you. I came to you because…because I trusted you. And I also wanted you to know that I am in love with you."

As soon as he said it, she started to cry.

"I didn't think I could love anyone after Elena, but you proved me wrong. And I want to be with you. I want you in my life. I need you, Dee. But even if…even if you don't want to be with me, it's important that you know that."

* * *

Cindy didn't know that she could move that fast. But she felt like she actually fled the car. She wiped furiously at her face and locked her door behind her before heading to her bedroom. Normally she'd take a shower before getting into bed, but she crawled under the covers, not bothering to take her scrubs off.

He'd told her she was beautiful, told her she was brave. When she first shared her story with him he'd even called her strong. And now he'd told her that he loved her.

His voice had shaken when he said it. She was sure he would ask for something in return when he'd made the declaration but he hadn't.

He simply wanted her to know.

* * *

The next five days passed by almost in a blur. She picked up a few more hours every day since one of the other nurses was off sick with a very bad flu. She was looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel; her days off starting tomorrow and she planned to spend the first few hours in deep sleep.

The morning started off pretty quietly, but by mid day all hell broke loose. There was a school bus accident and at least a dozen kids had been brought into the ER. Eight of them had been admitted and six were on her floor. By the time her shift was coming to a close she was exhausted.

She was taking a coffee break and was enjoying a few minutes off her feet when her cell vibrated in her pocket. She didn't recognize the number but the area code was from Philadelphia.

"Hello?"

"Hello Cindy." She slowly put the coffee cup on the table and froze. It was her ex Stephen on the other end of the phone.

"How did you get this number?"

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you ran away before we could clear things up between us."

"There was nothing to clear up, Stephen. We're done and you know that."

"Did you have to leave the hospital? Did you have to move to a different city?" She started to panic wondering if he knew exactly where she was.

"You wouldn't stop coming around. You wouldn't leave me alone. You were stalking me Stephen. Just like you're doing now. I had no choice."

"I just wanted you to change your mind about us. Make you see that you made a mistake about me. I know you miss me and you know I'm the only one who cares about you."

She closed her eyes at the sound of his voice. It was low and deep. He was trying to draw her in, entice her. Right now he was trying to be sweet. This is how it always started.

"You showed just how much you cared when you hit me in the face the last time I agreed to meet with you."

She heard him take a deep breath and she prepared herself for what she knew was coming.

"Well what did you expect me to do Cindy? Somebody had to knock some sense into you. It's not like you can think on your own. You've always been small minded, you never see the bigger picture. I'm the only one who's gonna care about you. Who'd want someone as weak and stupid and ugly as you? No one. I'm the best you're gonna get and nothing's gonna change that!"

She listened to him as he continued to yell and scream at her on the other line, but instead of crying like she normally would, she became angry. She was angry at him for belittling her once more and making her feel like she was nothing and she was angry at herself that she'd allowed him to do it for so long.

"If I'm as worthless as you claim I am Stephen then why do you want me? Huh? You call me stupid and small minded but for some strange reason you can't seem to stay away. The truth is you're the one who's ugly, inside and out. The truth is you're the one nobody's ever going to want. You're cruel and you're mean and you're a despicable human being. I might have been weak, but not anymore."

"…_**you're a strong woman…"**_

"You're right I may have been a coward, but your words don't scare me anymore and neither do you."

"…_**you're so brave…."**_

"I might have run away from you, but I'm not running now, I'm living."

"…_**you're capable of so much that you don't even know …"**_

"And my life is so much better now that you are not in it. And I won't allow you to disrespect me like you did before. Don't you ever, ever call me again!"

She ended the call and sat back in the chair with her hands shaking. She got up after another minute and put her cell back in her locker. She threw the rest of her coffee down the sink and headed back to the floor.

She had work to do.

* * *

It was early morning and still dark out when Shaw sat up in bed and reached for his ringing cell phone. It had been a restless night for him, and he'd fallen asleep a little after 2am. He was still groggy.

"Hello."

"Hi Sam."

"Dee."

He was happy to hear her voice after he'd had no contact with her since the night he'd taken her home.

"I'm sorry I woke you….but….I've been up all night, I've got coffee….and I know the perfect spot to watch the sun come up."

Sam smiled at her choice of words. They reminded him of their very first time watching the sun come up in MaCallum Park.

Forty five minutes later he found her at Queensbridge Park sitting on a bench that overlooked the water waiting for him. She turned round and got up when she heard him approaching. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, her hands stuck in the pockets of her jacket and when she saw him, she smiled. He breathed a sigh of relief when she did and he walked over.

"Hi." He said.

"Hi."

She handed him a cup of coffee and they sat together, both quiet as the sky started to change colour. There were a few early morning runners, people walking their dogs and he waited anxiously to hear what she would say.

"I found this spot when I was first looking for an apartment. This girl was looking for a roommate, and we were supposed to meet here before she started her jog. She never showed up though, but I got to watch the sunrise instead." The morning rays started to wash over them but he didn't take his eyes off her. "It's beautiful."

"Yes it is."

"Stephen called."

His jaw tensed at the mention of his name and his hand tightened around the Styrofoam cup. He kept his anger at bay for the moment and listened to her as she went on.

"I was at work one night. I don't know how he got my number, but he was very nasty. He said some really ugly things and there was a tiny part of me that started to believe him. "It was all so familiar…..and after being used to it for so long it almost sucks you back in. You want to get away from it, but at the same time, you're so accustomed to it, that you can't seem to let go. But I don't know it was different this time and instead of just sitting there and allowing him to tear me down…..I stood up for myself and I heard your voice in my head cheering me on the whole time. I realized you were right. I _am_ stronger than I give myself credit for."

He was furious that her ex had called, even more so at what he'd tried to do to her. But he was so proud that she hadn't allowed him to break her any longer and she was recognizing who she was as a person and accepting herself completely. And she'd done it on her own.

"I'm glad you finally know that." He reached up to touch her cheek and she closed her eyes as they started to fill with tears.

"I love you Sam. Apart from me not knowing what you did, and feeling like you used me, you could have died and I'd never have known what happened to you. I wouldn't have known where you were, if you decided to leave because you didn't want to be with me. And I…..I don't think I could have handled that….because I love you….so much."

She held onto the sleeve of his jacket, pulling on it, drawing him closer and he bent his head to kiss her. Her lips opened under his and he felt her softness once again as she drew him in.

"Don't ever lie to me again." She said when their lips finally parted.

"I won't." He said not wanting to let go.

"Take me home."

He stood up from the bench, taking her hand in his and together they walked to the entrance of the park. Light was touching everything now and the city was already busy and alive with activity.

The sun was finally up.

* * *

He was in her home and nothing else mattered.

Nothing else mattered but his lips on hers, his hands were on her body.

Clothes were scattered and light was coming in the room and she wasn't ashamed for him to see her anymore. She met his eyes, held his gaze as he looked down at her.

Now she saw him for who he was.

Now he could see her.

She let her lips travel over him, kissing the scars that marred his skin. Running her fingers over the raised ridges, light patches of pink touched by her fingertips. She let her tongue touch his, passionately, seeking, as they moved together.

She loved his hands and lips on her, on her breasts while his tongue rolled her nipples. Her stomach melted under the hot trail of his mouth as it kissed away the loneliness that had covered her since they'd first parted.

She held his thickness in her hands as she kissed his thighs and felt it pulsing against her fingertips. She took him in her mouth, all of him, his full length. He writhed under her lips, moaning her name, calling out, and she loved the sounds of pleasure that escaped him.

He took her roughly after that, pulling her underneath him, plunging deep inside her. And she took him in, grabbing his back, meeting his thrusts, happy to feel his hardness within her once more.

She bit and she pulled, giving and taking, drowning in the bliss of him, panting, whimpering, wanting.

And it was bliss. Sweet bliss.

He made love to her again and made her come again and again. But there was something different about it. It was raw, it was urgent, and it was full of basic need.

She was tired afterwards, her body drained and she lay atop him while his fingers trailed over her back. She started to slip into a doze but she could hear him murmuring over her head softly, while he kissed her curls.

"I love you Dee. I love you….I love you….I love you….."

* * *

They'd spent the last day and a half at her place, talking, laughing, touching. He felt at home while she made coffee and cooked and they fell back into the routine of being in each other's space.

She seemed stronger somehow, he thought, surer of herself and more comfortable in her own skin and it endeared him to her even more. His angel had transformed into something greater.

He told her about Emily. He told her about how she loved her tea set, her dolls, dressing up in a pink tutu and how it seemed her princess tiara was a permanent fixture on her head.

He talked about children and how he'd like to have another one someday, but he had doubts about whether or not his life would allow it. He felt at home here with her, and if they never had children, he'd still be happy and content if it was just the two of them.

Their time was interrupted by his job and Finch's voice summoning him to the library. He'd gotten dressed, donned his suit and she walked him to the door.

"It's Thanksgiving next week." He said.

"Yeah."

"I have friends coming to town. They're the only family I've got now in a…weird kind of way. I'd like you to meet them."

There was no question and no need for an answer. It was that simple and he put his arms around her one more time before leaving, kissing her lips, feeling her body against him before he went out into the city.

"Come back soon." She whispered against his cheek.

"I will."


End file.
